5 Single Awareness Day Rules: Valentine's Edition
Valentine's Day is almost here and if you are single, you are probably in 2 boats. I call it the "I DGAF" yacht and the "Pray For My Ovaries" ship. The reality is, there is no need to be dramatic. Calm your tits and let me walk you through the unspoken rules of Single Awareness Day- without looking like a freshman sorority girl, or a 30 year old virgin.
1. Don't get shit faced
This isn't a day for you to cry your eyes out with Jose Cuervo. Being sloppy on Valentine's Day is practically asking Cupid to set you up a man who is 5'2" and enjoys watering his eggplants during his spare time. Be buzzed, but not too drunk. Trust- you will thank me Sunday morning
2. Don't Stay at Home
As Pitbull would say "1's company, 2's a crowd, 3's a party." If Becky tells you her plans are "TBD," she basically means she is going to be babysitting her hamster, but didn't want you to think that. Call her bluff and tell that girl to put on some pants! If you know 1 or more people who have nothing to do on a holiday made up by retail stores and our economy, you take advantage of said holiday to have a girls night out. But please see rule #1 for further instructions.
3. Don't wear pink eyeshadow
What are you a flamingo? Pink eyeshadow is the epitome of tacky when it comes to this holiday (Unless it's a light fairy dust pink used as a base). Why would you want your makeup to look like you have 2 mosquitos bites on your eyelids- exactly. So put away your color palette and bring out some neutrals. You don't want to look infected with a bug eyed disease this weekend.
4. Don't go on Instagram
Single Awareness Day is not the day to go on social media, unless you are posting a flawless selfie or a group pic of your besties having a blast somewhere. It could be your backyard for all anybody knows, just tag the location to a hip spot people will envy. If you are weak, going on Instagram will lead you to depression after seeing photos of Becky and her BF in downtown, or your ex dating a Megan Fox look-a-like. Don't open that door unless you are prepared!
5. Don't Binge on Sweets
Okay Betty Crocker, I know it's hard to resist free candy from your friends and co-workers, but if you actually think about it, those hershey kisses are pity chocolates for not having an actual Valentine. Pack up the sugar and ship it to your mother. She will thank you for being such a sweetheart and you just saved yourself a trip to the gym. It's a win win for everybody.